The first thing that I can say about this lesson is that it has certainly ramped up the intensity of the training several fold on an emotional and discomfort level.
Being able to piss sitting down is quite a relief at the moment as it gives me a change to re-adjust the "gates of hell" that are now a pretty much permanent fixture on my body, and when not on have left a permanent reminder that they were there. The sexy, sissy slut toy is bit by bit, day by day emerging as I try to push myself further because Akasha asks it of me. For me this is no easy thing to admit and is not a flippant throw away statement.
It was very strange for me this time because when first reading the lesson an seeing that we were allowed to cum, I was more focused on getting this bit out of the way and trying on the gates of hell. Re-reading the lesson again made my clittie get hard as I prepared to try and video myself being allowed to cum. It then hit home to me what I was not only willing but desperate to do. I was setting up furniture, preparing my body with lipstick wearing the training panties and Slave tag you picked out for me and a the slut bra that bought; I was desperately trying to create a contraption to hold my video phone so that I could capture myself for Akasha. I even had a trial run of how it might look to make sure legs weren't in the way. Is this the action of a rational person? What lengths would I continue to go to? Would I ever say enough is enough? This is now an inherent small fear factor in me that I am thinking like this. (Sorry sounding a bit self indulgent).
The video that I have sent to Akasha is testament that the whole process lasted under a minute. What a sad sissy slut with no will power I have become. Watching back the video was horrific. It was made me fell seedy, cheap, humiliated, pathetic as I could see in myself that I was so determined that I wanted to put on a show to try and please Akasha. Having stopped the video, I was standing in the mirror looking at my cum covered face with my mind totally messed up, with thought ranging from "Had I done enough to please Akasha", "What the f**k do you look like", "You sad, sad man" - It was definitely a moment where I felt everything was stripped away from me...even now I am not sure why I did it and if I enjoyed it!
I think that would have been Lesson enough but the weather must really be playing having with Akasha sadistic side as now the second part of the lesson was to come into play.
Gates of Hell. Pleasant - Absolutely Not. Weird - definitely the first time it finally goes on. Distracting - At least once every five minutes. Uncomfortable - Hell, yes. Painful - yes, that too.
I am sure that Akasha takes delight in the fact then when I was reading the instructions for the Gates of Hell that she constantly mocks that fact that my sissy clit will get hard. Which then makes it pretty much impossible to get the first ring of cock and balls. In fact getting my balls through required five minutes of thought. Thank heavens for the tucking exercises, it was much easier to pull all of the sack through and then coax each testicle out again. (Not so easy after one day of wear as I swear they have a mind of their own and know that they don't really want to be trussed up) With a hard clittie it just isn't going to happen...no amount of bending in two, which was very painful, was going to help. It took three goes to finally get my clittie in. Then it was a race against time to feed the other rings over my clittie as it hardened straight away again. Only this time it was a case of meeting an immovable ring shaped object which chaffed the head of my clittie causing biting of the lip and a brief expletive. Sadly it is not like in the cartoons where you can thread a camel through the eye of a needle. There really is no way of getting anything through. which just leaves rubbing, straining, constriction and occasional pain. It was worse after the first time as my clittie would grow into the rings rather than against and after several repetitions each day really does rub the same spots each time. Here is a picture of said Gates of Hell. The blue tinge is not a filter but merely the end of a rather tormenting session.
Don't be fooled by the pain bit though. The Gates of Hell aren't designed to sit discreetly. You can feel each ring through outer clothing, through the panites and every time that I sit down I am utterly conscious both of the rings, my constrained clittie and my need to be trained.
Equally as humiliating is that my clittie when not aroused is very small and therefore doesn't sit in the rings and therefore movement can cause the rings to audible clank together, necessitating a readjust, which just reminds me that I am constrained, which then excites me, which then sees me fill the rings again in a catch 22 thing. At works I got my clittie pinched between two rings leaving a bruise on the skin...but then it is difficult to adjust yourself in public when at a face to face business meeting. Even worse is that the rings will occasionally turn and therefore a seam of metal may then be exposed and rub against my clittie until it is very sore. At the moment I am on a very intense regime of rubbing moisturiser into all of the places that are getting rubbed. Luckily I have not had to give myself an Ass ramming yet at night as quite frankly my clittie doesn't seem to get full aroused at the moment after two days of Gates of Hell wearing.
This lesson will very much be a mind over matter thing, it isn't pleasant but the effect of wearing the Gates of Hell is well calculated with the discomfort/arousal cycle.
However its not all bad...there is the occasional feeling of pride as you tick off another hour, preferably without having constricted yourself to oblivion.
On all levels this lesson is totally messing me up - in a good/strange submissive way.
Thank you for the lesson.
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